I love taking my make up off at the end of the day
When I’m really drunk it makes me feel so much more sober. When I’m feeling rubbish it perks me up a bit. If I have a headache it eezes the pain. When I feel sick it cools me down a bit. It is just the best feeling.
Went to the gym with Mia and we had a nice girlie chat about Pete and Cagri and holidays and getting fat and losing the fat and pregnancies and babies and television and sex and periods. We did some exercise too!!
I had a really weird conversation with Cagri today. He’s going to university this summer, and we’ve kind of stumbled upon it during other conversations and I think the general understanding was that we wouldn’t stay together because freedom is important when at uni etc.etc. but I never really gave it much thought. We talked about it a bit again today, and he was saying things like “will it be awkward at the pub when I’m back?” “what would you do if I was with another girl?” and he said that we probably wouldn’t talk much when he was there which kind of brought me back to reality a bit. I wasn’t getting into this relationship blind or completely naive but I’ve just realised that it’s not really heading anywhere. I’m really starting to like him, and it seems strange that it’s got a ‘use by’ date on it. In 2 more months I could develop genuine feelings for him and that’s stupid, so I’m thinking maybe it’s just a bit of fun between us. But then he says things that really make me think he likes me a lot too, so my head is so baffled..
I miss being really carefree and doing, drinking and eating what ever I want. I used to sleep in to the afternoon, have a massive fry up whenever I was at my granddads or away somewhere and go out and get mad drunk with my friends every weekend. I’d quite often just turn up at someone’s house unprepared and stay the night, just doing whatever with no real plans. I don’t do any of that anymore because my life’s become so scheduled. I do prefer things how they are now because otherwise I’d feel like I was wasting my days and lose a lot of control that I’ve worked so hard to gain but a part of me does miss how things were. I didn’t worry about money, my weight or my future, I just sort of sailed through life happily.
My dad’s asked me to pick him up from the train station for the most of the last few days and I have done. Even yesterday when I didn’t really know where I was going and got lost on the way, I still picked him up. I said no when he asked me today because I’m tired and I need to get ready to go out. Apparently that’s spiteful? The amount of times I’ve called my dad asking for a lift because the temperature’s bellow freezing and a bus wasn’t due for another half an hour and I didn’t want to be waiting on my own when it’s so dark and he’s said “No. Watching TV” is fucking ridiculous but apparently I was in the wrong in that situation for asking for a lift…. Now once again I am in the wrong for doing the exact same thing my dad would do. He stormed home and didn’t say hi, and my mum came straight in to ask me why I’m being so unfair. She’s always telling me off for involving her in arguments between me and my dad but she’s so quick to jump the gun when he goes crying to her. Double standards are ridiculous.
I was driving for around 2 hours this afternoon, at the sunniest point of the day! We planned on going to Greenwich park and ended up in Peckham or something looking for car parking spaces. I have no idea why I drove, it was so stupid and why did we think we’d find somewhere to park that was about a 20 minute drive from the park?! Idiotssssssssssssssss so we went and picked up Cagri and Jay and then decided to just pay £6 to park for 2 hours!! Fucking ridiculous, £1 for half an hour good God. So we were sitting in the park for 2 hours then I took everyone home, picked up my dad and came home to some well awaited food. I was supposed to be going to the pub tonight too but I haven’t heard from David. I need a shower too and my car is going to need to be washed form the inside seeing as it’s had 5 mad sweaty bodies in it nearly all day.
All through primary school I was a really academic person and I did really well in science and maths etcetc but then things turned. I did well at GCSE level and I got 13 GCSEs I think all A-C grade so there was no problems there really. FAILED A LEVELS. FAILFAILFAIL and I have realised I am not an academic person in the slightest. I hate revising and having to study and learn. I want to go to uni next summer but I don’t know if I’ll have grades good enough to get in but yeah that’s my academia so far :)
“You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.”—William Shakespeare (via chasingmetaphors)
Once again I was a cabby last night, but I got a tenner out of it so it wasn’t bad at all really ;) my legs hurt so much from the gym, I really pushed it on the adductor and the abductor thing so they’re killing. It was nice at the pub too because there was quite a lot of people I know there and I was actually feeling really good. Today I’m going to tidy up a bit and then go to the gym and then go to the pub. I’ve been to the gym every day this week, I’m so desperados not to be a fatty in Portugal but I don’t really have enough time boohoo
been trying to figure out for ages who you look like other than that Amanda chick, its just hit me.
you look like marilyn monroe, in the face, quite a lot actually. you should go as her to your next fancy dress! xxxxxxxxx
Never heard that before but it’s the best compliment ever ;) thank you chicka, I will buy a white dress and a wig to wear next time :P xx
There was a pause in the phone call and he said “….. so what you only went to the gym today?” really. REALLY. If that is what our phone call is going to be, FORCED CONVERSATION then what is the point. I mean REALLY. I told him I didn’t want to be on the phone and hung up. I am actually the worst girlfriend ever lol